My First Fic
by Missymysto
Summary: So this is back in the days when I used phrases such as 'popping the P' and wrote a character that was a self-insert. Hey! At least my grammar was ok! Come read as I drown in tears of embarrasment. (Complete!)
1. Chapter 1

**_Mega uber ultra important! Please read! Author's note people! Ghfhkdajhfkj!_**

_Okay guys, now that that spasm attack important message alert is over I can type. I do actually have some pretty important things to say, starting with:_

_- I wrote this when I was new to fanfiction, hence the title of this story. PLEASE, this is for you guys to laugh at, but don't judge my work on this alone, kay? Okay. Read my other works._

_- Do you guys think Ruth is a Mary-Sue? Wait until you reach the end to answer this one._

_- I'm thinking of rewriting this. Should I? Would you all read it?_

_- My writing has improved immensely, and I have actually written some pretty good stuff. However, it's nothing without all of your opinions so please do leave a review. Also, the fics uploaded here weren't my best; The one I'm proudest of is a tie between 'A Worm in Light's Apple?' and 'Dangerous Affections'. Neither have had many views. :(_

_- VERY IMPORTANT! I deleted the first two chapters of this fanfiction when I deleted it off this site in the first place. Basically, what happened was that the idea that Ruth watches Death Note was tossed around and she was having a shower when Salk arrived._

_- Read on guys! That's all from me!_

/('-')\

It was massive, it's grotesque mouth pulled into a savage grin.

It's hair was pulled back in a sort of plait, it's eyes red and bulging. Bandaged torso and a fur pelt covering its waist, the being truly was disgusting. And then it spoke:

"Hello."

I stumbled to the corner of the shower, desperate to find safety. It just stood there waiting for me to stop. After the few minutes it took to realise the monster wouldn't hurt me, I spoke.

"What do you want? And most importantly, do you have to say it while I'm in the shower?"

The being stopped as if considering whether to talk or not, then said with a rough voice, "I am Salk. And I have a present for you. If you go into your laundry room, you will find it. Although, if you don't get to it first, then you can never have it. So be quick!"

I looked at it for a second before dashing off to the laundry and picking up a horribly wrapped present. I ripped off the wrapping paper and pick up the contents. It seemed to be a black book. Very thin in size, the book had a straight black cover. There was really nothing special about it. Opening it up, I met with a page saying:

{RULES}

{the human whose name is written in this note shall die.}

{this note will not take effect unless the writer has the persons face in their mind while writing his/her name. Therefore, people sharing the same name will not be affected.}

{if the cause of death is written in the next 40 seconds, it will happen. If the cause of death is not specified, the person will simply die of a heart attack.}

{after writing the cause of death details should be written in the next 6 minutes and 40 seconds.}

Stopping, I lifted up the book and looked at it. I couldn't believe I hadn't put two and two together.

It was a death note.

I jumped as sulk appeared behind me, turning around to glare at the shinigami.

"Don't scare me like that!" I snapped.

Salk bird-shrugged, rotating her shoulders so her shoulder blades stuck out at an odd angle. "I see no reason not to."

I continued glaring, then sighed and said, "Now what?"

The shinigami gave a surprisingly long answer.

"The death note does not take affect in this world. You could keep it as a token, or do the rational thing and come to the 'Death Note World' as you humans would call it. I understand that in this world, many people know of the death note and its uses, so you shouldn't have too hard of a time understanding. You may do as you like with this death note. After all, I can no longer call it mine."

I took a breath. "So... The death note is mine then? And I can go to the Death Note world? You know, with L and Light and everything?"

I thought back to my 'unrealistic goals'. Now, finally, they were within my grasp.

I could save L, maybe even light. I could even give a piece of my mind to Near. Such an L wanna-be.

I smiled. "I'll go."

If possible, Salk's grin got wider.

/('-')\

_Phew! It hurt to post that stuff. xD All for your entertainment guys!_

_Next chapter is up in exactly 24hours and 3minutes! (Yes, I am jotting down the time.)_


	2. Chapter 2

_These chapters are so inconsistent in length! Mah gawd!_

_Thanks for the reviews so far, I know I know this is bad. But hey! Your entertainment, my embarrassment. Read on guys! Oh yeah - I'm updating daily now, or at least every second day. :)_

/('-')\

When I woke up, I decided not to open my eyes. Maybe I could slip back into that dream. It was sort of sad, actually, because it was a good dream, and I don't come across those much anymore.

*.*.*

Sighing, I decided falling asleep wasn't going to happen soon, so I reluctantly opened my eyes... Only to be greeted with a room that was not my own. I sat up, seeing the plain white walls and the king sized bed with a computer, some clothes drawers and a wardrobe; this was definitely not my room. It was too... Plain.

However, the panda man standing in the middle of the room was far from plain. Bags under his wide, attentive eyes, a messy black hairstyle swept to the right and an unmistakable slouch, there was no doubt it was him.

"L..." So it wasn't a dream. I'm really in death note.

He cocked his head to the side and murmured, as if to himself, "How is it that you know I am L?"

My eyes widened; I hadn't realised that I'd said that aloud.

"No, I um, I just, you see... Has Kira started killing yet?" I blurted out.

L stared at me blankly, and I realised that I probably shouldn't have said that. It was obvious that Kira hadn't appeared yet and L had no idea what I was talking about.

Salk chose this moment to show up.

She must have been listening, because she voiced what I had just thought: "You should not have said that."

At this point, L was probably getting sick of wasting time, because he started bombarding me with questions.

"Who are you?" I had been prepared for that one. Oh, and while we're on the topic of names, I should mention that my real name is Ruth Medford. Now, back onto my answer.

"I'm Ruka Blackhawk." L seemed to accept that, now moving onto the next question.

"Why are you here?"

"I don't know," I said.

"How did you get inside?"

"I don't know."

L sighed, probably knowing he wasn't going to get many answers from me.

"One more question."

"Yes?" I asked, now wanting more than ever to go to back to sleep.

"Why are you naked?"

I screamed.

*.*.*

After L left I continued screaming my head off.

"Why the hell was I naked?" I whisper-shouted. I wasn't expecting an answer but I got one anyway.

"You do remember you had just had a shower when you agreed to come here?" Salk said, all smug.

I groaned.

Now I had ruined L's impression of me.

Sighing, I suddenly remembered something.

"Where's my notebook?" I asked, as if speaking to myself.

L had probably set up cameras and I didn't want him knowing about the death note or Salk.

Salk replied, "I put it under the bed." I began looking, first finding some of L's clothes. I slipped them on and resume my 'search'. After a few minutes I decided it would be ok to 'find' it now, so I bent down and grabbed the death note from under the bed, stuffing it down my shirt. Now content, I decided to explore the room some more. First I looked in a suitcase that was sitting tucked away in a corner. I tried to unlock it but the end result was only a throbbing foot from trying to kick it open.

I know, stupid right?

Next I decided to hack into his computer. I'll probably just raise his suspicion of me even more, but hey, I'm bored, and I do some pretty stupid things when I'm bored.

I once tried to swallow my tongue just because I had nothing to do.

It was not pretty.

So anyway, I was trying to hack into his computer. The first password that came to mind was his alias, so I typed in L, but to no avail. Next I typed in Matt's real name, Mello's real name, and Near's real name.

Nothing.

Next I had a BRILLIANT idea. *note the sarcasm*

I typed in L's real name. Of course, by the time I had typed in the first password I had already forgotten that L was probably watching me. I can be such a dumb blonde at times. *no offence to blondes*

So there I was typing the true names of L and his successors, while under potential surveillance by L himself.

Crap.

I froze, waiting for the voice that I knew would come. And come it did.

I was so caught!

"Miss Ruka, would you be so kind as to explain how you know the names of not only me, but also my successors?" I fidgeted as I tried to think of a reasonable excuse.

"Umm... A guess?"

"The probability of that being a guess is zero percent."

"Umm... I was possessed?"

"No. Miss Ruka, I think it would be best for you if you are questioned."

Hold on, what? No, I can't. If I were in a room all alone with L, I think I would pass out. Either that or glomp him. And, him being so cute, I would have to confess. I would change the entire storyline if he found out I knew what would happen!

All I want to do is save L, maybe Light while I'm at it.

So, me being me, I decided I'd rather not lose my dignity.

I ran.

I scrambled up off the bed and dashed to the doorway, frantically trying to open the door only to find it locked.

I swept my gaze across the room, stopping when I saw the window.

Sadly, I was still in 'dumb blonde' mode, so I forgot all about how high up the apartment was.

I clambered over to the window and climbed out.

I tried to avoid looking down, but in the end that just made me want to see more. Giving in to the urge, I looked to the city below.

The people were ants, the other buildings looked like toys at my feet.

I was in a lot of trouble.

One slip up and I would be dead.

Salk had disappeared and I realised just how alone I was.

If I died, there was nobody in the world who would give a damn.

L would probably be HAPPY.

After all, I knew everything about him.

That was dangerous.

But I didn't want to die.

And just then, like some stupidly predictable novel, my foot slipped, and I was falling.

...

Falling is a strange feeling.

It's like you weigh nothing.

Your belly flops and all of a sudden you remember how you fell, and what you will feel when you touch the ground.

But the experience is different for everyone.

I, for example, felt like I had just eaten the entire menu at an expensive restaurant.

That's right, I felt sick. You see, you could have just been falling for a mere second, or even less, but time seems to slow down at your will. Unfortunately, it gets its own ideas at the end and speeds up, letting you crash against the ground.

I was one of the lucky people that was only falling for a millisecond.

I looked up at the hand wrapped around my wrist, and slowly, very slowly, my eyes made way to the body, and then the face, attached to it.

"Panda-man..." I breathed.

L tilted his head to the side in that absolutely adorable way he has."You know, you are not in a position to be calling your saviour names."

For once, I didn't argue. I just let my body relax, swaying slightly in the evening breeze.

"Thank you." I whispered. L cocked his head.

"What was that?" Damn him and his cuteness!

"I said thank you goddamn it!" I yelled. Uh, he was so annoying! Stupid panda.

Almost with no effort at all, L hauled me up and dumped me on the floor. I winced and got ready to yell at him, but noticed something.

He was smiling.

The great L, worlds best detective, most emotionless person EVER, was SMILING.

It was a small thing, barely used and if I hadn't spent my entire teenage life watching him on a tv screen I wouldn't have noticed it. But since I had, I did, and I did something that surprised even myself.

I smiled back.

Maybe we could be friends.


	3. Chapter 3

~Two months later (Time skip bought to you by L's strawberry creme cake)~

I had been living with L for the past few months.

He said I might spill his identity so he had to keep me under surveillance. Thankfully I was allowed some privacy, so my room didn't have any cameras. I took this chance to talk to Salk. For those of you who've forgotten her, she's my shinigami, remember? Gave me my death note?

I haven't used it yet, but I will when Kira shows up.

Then I can show him who's really in charge.

It shouldn't be too long until he shows up, since i know L is the right age and everything. Maybe in a few weeks, a month at most.

So anyway, I've been given a spacious room with a large bed in the middle and a wardrobe (L was nice enough to buy me some clothes), bathroom, bookshelf (All boring novels like To Kill A Mockingbird), and some personal items scattered here and there.

Much to L's distaste, I bought a Panda toy, and named it 'Lawliet' although I had to promise not to say the name out loud unless alone or with only L. Ah, sounds so dreamy... Alone time with L. Unfortunately for me, he has made sure not to ever be alone with me, so I'm stuck with Lawliet.

So, to hide my notebook I decided that I could never do a trap as elaborate as Light's, so I chose to do his 'diary' trick and simply place the death note under a false bottom in a drawer. I disguised the death note as my 'real diary' so if L did happen to find it he wouldn't be suspicious.

Hopefully.

So there I was, lying spread eagled on the ruffled sheets of my bed, and bored out of my mind waiting for Kira to show up.

Sighing, I turned on the tv. That's right, suck it up 'coz I got a tv in my room!

It switched on and a news report showed up on the screen, saying something about some daycare being held hostage. I, for one, didn't care and was about to turn it off when the reporter shouted something:

"Wait! The hostages are coming out and they all seem to be unharmed! We're waiting for news at the moment and - oh, yep, yeah! The suspect has been found dead inside! I repeat, the suspect has been found dead inside! The special forces are denying that they shot the suspect, and it's been confirmed, the suspect has died of a heart attack!"

That was all I needed to hear. I switched the tv off and sat down on my fluffy bed.

Kira, Light Yagami, was coming.

Now that I knew Light had officially found the death note it was only a matter of time before he started controlling the criminals he killed off, and then all I had to do was send a simple message.

Days passed by and I began to wonder if L was ever going to do his speech to the police.

More and more criminals were dying and Kira, also known as Light Yagami, had already been announced to the world.

At the moment I was sitting on the couch in the main room of the hotel watching L type away on his keyboard while drinking overly sugared tea. I had some of my own sweet tea and some chocolate cake.

L turned on his chair to face me.

"Do you remember how we first met?" He asked.

"How could I not?" I replied, sipping my sweet tea.

"Then I trust you remember how you asked if Kira had started killing?"

I spat my tea back out. He REMEMBERED that?

"How did you know?" L asked. I would say that he 'demanded', but he can be so emotionless sometimes that I can't tell.

I fell off the lounge and 'accidentally' hit my head.

"Ow.. L I'm gonna go to bed, my head hurts.." I jumped up and ran to my bedroom, shutting the door behind me and locking it before I slid to the ground.

My head really did hurt though.

I hit it harder than intended.

"So this complicates things." I turned in the direction of the voice and sighed. Salk floated in front of me.

"Yep." I said. This was not good. L, being L, would be trying to figure me out at this very moment.

Sighing, I turned my back on the shinigami. I wish Light would hurry up and figure out the death note.

*.*.*

~L's pov~

How could she know what was going to happen in the future?

Unless she was Kira? That could explain it.

But if she was Kira, why would she mention him... or her, now that Ruka was in the picture.

Ruka was an interesting girl.

*.*.*

~Normal Point of View~

Day after day, criminal after criminal and death after death.

I was so bored!

I walked out into the main room, aiming to steal some of L's cake, but I stopped.

I could see him on his computer with his voice changer, talking.

I knew this scene.

He was talking to the police.

I stopped and listened, trying not to make any noise as I sank down onto the couch. The panda man was too absorbed in his speech to notice, so I got comfortable where I sat.

"... But I assure you, this is an act of mass murder, done by a skilful and smart criminal. And I will catch him, no matter what." L shut the computer and swivelled around in one fluid movement, then looked me in the eye.

"Or her."

(*)

_Ack, I had to steel myself up so much for this! I'm dreading the next chapter. xD_

_Reviews are welcomed, I am actually considering rewriting this so tell me all the flaws! :)_


	4. Chapter 4

_*Gulp*_

_The next chapter awaits guys... Review if you think Ruth's 'plan' is pretty useless._

(*)

Oh crap oh crap oh crap!

He thinks I'm Kira! This was not in the plan!

"Calm down Ruth!" I muttered to myself before hitting my forehead against the door of my bedroom.

No, I corrected myself, I had to be Ruka at the moment.

For my own survival, and L's.

To save L, I must be alive. So I cannot die. Not until I am sure L will live.

With this in mind, I slowly recomposed myself and walked out the door. Reaching the main room, I stepped in to see L finishing off my cake.

I muttered a few colourful words under my breath and I was just about to go to find a new source of sugar when L stopped me.

"Ruka, I think you should know that the chance of you being Kira is 10 percent." I grumbled a few more words that I won't repeat and continued walking when L stopped me again.

"However, since you knew the names of not only me but also my successors, and I'm alive and well, that reduces the chances by 8 percent. So please don't stress too much." I look at him. He seemed serious, so I smiled. That smile turned into an ugly grimace as I yelled, "I'm not KIRA!" Panda man seemed a bit taken aback by this and his eyes widened slightly. As I walked into the kitchen I silently congratulated myself with a grin, before realising I would be just as bad as Kira as soon as I sent my little 'message'. I sighed and took out a lollipop, then went back to my room to talk to Salk.

*.*.*

It was time.

I've waited 3 days for L to do his big 'reveal', and I would be watching.

Even better, he would be doing it only a room away from me!

I wished I could be in the same room as L was, but I couldn't ask L because he would know I knew he was going to do his speech.

Is that confusing?

I switched on my tv and smiled as Lind L. Taylor appeared on the screen.

"... Because I am L. Kira, I will hunt you down and I will find you because what you are doing is EVIL!"

Uh oh! I thought, smiling slightly. Just as I thought that, Lind clutched his hand to his chest and gasped for air, before collapsing.

I grinned as the big Ł appeared on the screen and said the words with him.

"I did have one theory that you could kill from a distance, but I never thought it would be true... Kira, it seems you can kill without being there. But I should tell you that while this was said to be world wide, we were actually airing only in the Kanto region of Japan. I now know where you are. Also, that L you just killed was a criminal who was scheduled for execution today. Now... Try to kill me! Come on, Kira! Oh well. I had high hopes for you. But be warned, I am real. L is real. And I will find you. I am... JUSTICE!"

With that, L finished and I took a deep breath after finishing my (L's) speech.

A few minutes later I was relaxing on my bed when Panda man came into my room with a serious look on his face.

"I have just reviewed all the footage." He said. I started to ask him about this footage but he interrupted.

"If you would like me to put it a different way, I have just reviewed all of the footage of you watching my speech."

Uh oh.

My eyes widened as L continued talking.

How could I have been so stupid?

"I installed cameras this morning to watch you. First I needed to see if you knew about my speech. You turned the television on at exactly the right time, and while that may have been coincidence, I doubted it. Watching you say the exact words coming out of my mouth was a big surprise, and I knew that couldn't possibly be coincidence. Now, I am intrigued. How do you know what will happen?"

I laughed, the weak laugh of someone who had been sprung.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

L chewed his thumb with his thinking expression and and sighed.

"I'll leave it for now, but Ruka Blackhawk, I will find out how you know the future...

And why there are no records on you."

I watched him go, a sick feeling in my stomach.

Salk turned to me and said, "It's only a matter of time until he finds out, you know."

I looked at her and was about to talk when the shinigami cut me off.

"He didn't uninstall the cameras you know."

I didn't answer directly because I was being watched and instead said, "Thank god he left." I think Salk got my message. I grinned inwardly. 'Thank god'.

I liked that.

*.*.*

It had been a few days since L's announcement and Light had started killing every hour, on the hour. I knew I had seen all this before, but it was still far more exciting going through this in person than seeing it on a screen.

L had already suggested that the Kira had access to inside police information, thus creating insecurity throughout the police, and I... Well I had stayed in my room for a few days, just lounging about. I knew it wouldn't be long before Light started experimenting on the criminals in jail, and then it would be my turn. Until then, I would just have to watch tv. Actually, I was bored with tv, so I snuck out of my room to get a sugary snack.

Of course, 'sneaking' wasn't really an option since I still had those cameras in my room.

Speaking of which, I needed L to remove those cameras if I was ever going to send my message. Walking up to L, I tapped him on the back and put my best angry face on as he turned around.

"YOU SICK TWISTED PERVERT!" I screamed, "TAKE THE DAMN CAMERAS OUT OF MY ROOM ALREADY!"

L was clutching his right ear with eyes slightly widened, but he soon returned to his original state and said, "I'm afraid I can't do that, Ruka."

Plan B: Tears

"But... But... You still think I'm Kira, don't you?" I blubbered. Ugh. So embarrassing.

Before L could say anything more, I ran into my room and 'cried' on my bed, hugging Lawliet the Panda.

A few seconds later Lawliet the Human Panda walked into my room, face blank as ever, chewing his nail with a thoughtful expression.

"I suppose I can take the cameras out of the bathroom so you can change in there, but I won't take them out of the main room."

I smiled gratefully at him. "Thanks. Oh, and sorry for yelling at you. I was just a bit upset." After giving me a searching look, as if knowing I was hiding something, L left.

I smiled. Soon I could send my message and the cards would really be in play.

Soon.

Peeking out into the main room, I saw L at his computer, sitting in that funny way of his.

I casually walked up and peeked over his shoulder, noting that Light had started experimenting on the criminals in jail.

I grinned.

It was time to send my message.

Of course, before I left I stole L's cupcake and took a huge bite out of it.

"Please give it back?" The Panda Man looked at me with such a sad face that I had to return it to him, and again, I cursed him and his cuteness.

I got my own piece of chocolate cake and a lollipop before walking over to my room and grinning.

Now was the time.

Getting my death note out, I looked up to the camera and said, "You're not getting a peek at my diary, L, so don't try!" Hopefully that'd mislead him.

I walked into the bathroom and closed the door behind me, being sure to check for extra cameras.

As Salk floated in through the closed door, I whispered for her to find any cameras or sound recording things.

She came back to me and said no, so I turned the shower on, stepped under the spray for a second to make myself wet, dried myself off, and sat down on the closed lid of the toilet to write what I had to in my death note:

/Agouti Sonata/

/In two days, at midnight exactly, he will die of blood loss. Before this he will write a note on the walls of his cell in his blood:

I know everything about you;

Sugar loving L, Kira and your apple-addicted friend. Watch out for yourselves, because I can kill you any second.

Now: I only have only one question.

Who is holding the cards now?

Signed, Joker.

After finishing the note, Agouti Sonata immediately dies of blood loss right on midnight./

I smiled to myself; I couldn't help allowing myself to take the Joker's name as my own. It game me a fun air of dominance. This was going to be cool.

Let the games begin.


	5. Chapter 5

_This chapter is shorter than the others! :(_

_Thanks a bunch to the awesome guest who has reviewed, I appreciate it tonnes. Also, I aim for a review every chapter so 1 review = I chapter._

_(I have no idea if equals signs pop up, y'know how some icons are blocked when you publish a chapter. Just so you guys know, I said 1 review (equals) 1 chapter.)_

_(I'm going to look like such an idiot when the equals sign shows.)_

_(Oh well. Read on, friends!)_

(*)

I'm no better than Light.

I killed someone, just for my own entertainment; just to be the third player in the game. I can't even remember the guy's name. Of course, he hasn't died just yet. It's only 9pm, so I have time left. Maybe I could stop him? Save him?

I'm right about one thing though.

I'm the Joker, and I'm kidding myself.

How am I supposed to save L from a killer if I'm one myself?

Light and I are the same.

Once kind, with good intentions, now evil; corrupted greed and the will to be powerful and noticed blinding us from the true evil that we are.

We're despicable.

But I have to save L.

Even if I die afterwards, even if I killed for my own lust, my own desire to be noticed, L never deserved to die. He will live; even if I go to the very depths of hell, even if I rot in the punishment of nothingness, he will live.

I will MAKE him live.

But still, while I rot in the nothingness or burn in hell, I will be thinking of my victim, the man that I killed for my own greed.

So now I'm thinking, if I already killed once, why not kill twice, three times, four?

I'm tainted, so why not revel in the darkness for a while?

I've always wondered what Light's perfect world looks like.

I could help him build it.

After all, I know what will happen.

I could help.

A tiny voice was whispering inside my head now, and I tried to ignore it.

~You say you could help? You are helping, helping build your Insanity.~

I DON'T CARE! I yelled at the voice.

~Do you know what I am? I am your Sanity, and you are slowly cutting the ropes binding me and you.~

I DON'T CARE!

~Yes you do. Can you feel that? Can you? That's your Insanity slowly eating away at you. Retie the knot, and you can fix this. If I die, me, your Sanity; If I die then you die with me. Just retie the knot, and you can live. Come on, live; if not for me then for yourself.~

And then the world faded out and was replaced with a new one; black, it was a black world where I couldn't see and couldn't take one step without getting lost in the maze that was my mind.

Two other people were with me, one far, far away and the other so close that I could feel Its cold breath against my skin.

Yes, I said 'it'.

The monster in front of me didn't deserve to be called human.

Pale, almost see-through skin, red eyes and dirty brown hair in tangles, lips pulled back in a sinister smile and clothes torn and ripped. Beautiful, but crazy.

The other one I could barely make out, but she looked like me from back when I was in my universe; slightly tanned skin, green eyes and brown hair pulled up in a high ponytail, smiling the smile of a dreamer, but one who knows she won't ever escape reality's clutches. How wrong she was.

And then there was me.

Red eyes with slight flecks of green, my skin pale but not translucent, wearing a tank top and ripped jeans with hair that I hadn't bothered to brush.

And I realised what I had knew since the moment I had gotten here.

The monster and the girl were me.

*.*.*

There were two ropes. One connected to my Sanity and one to my Insanity.

Which one to cut?

If I cut the Sanity, then I can live my life murdering, but I'll forget the pain.

Right?

If I cut my ties to the Insanity I can live my life forgetting that I ever killed the man, because my Sanity knows to chuck that tainted memory from my mind forever.

But what if I don't want to forget?

I clutched the knife that had appeared in my hand tightly, my indecision making Insanity push forward more.

It almost had me. And with that, I started cutting the rope of my Insanity.

I stopped when the rope was at its last little fray connecting me to Insanity. I had to keep it. I didn't want to forget killing the man.

I didn't fix the rope connecting my Sanity to myself fully, only enough that I would stay sane. I was my own person now, and I wasn't changing anything.

I grinned, then embraced Insanity and smiled at Sanity.

And then there was light.


	6. Chapter 6

_Thank you for the review so soon! You are totally right about Salk and not seeing her... Whoops, I was young ok? xD_

_Before the Death Note isn't possible sadly unless you want to stick around until the end where I can write that for you with the skills I have now._

_RUTH actually mentioned her name second chapter... But it changes and I agree it's difficult to keep track. Anyway, thanks a bunch to all you who read this stuff!_

_Read on!_

_(P.S: I write all of my works on my iPad, I love it. What's so bad about a tablet?)_

(*)

I was back in my bedroom now, in L's apartment.

Salk was looking at me strangely.

"What?" I said.

"You're name has changed," the shinigami said.

"Then what is it?" I asked, shocked.

"It's now Insanity."

*.*.*

Insanity?

I suppose it suits me.

I don't want the Insanity in my head leaving, and the Sane me is not the me of now.

But... My new name is Insanity?

Oh well.

I like the name.

It suits me even more than the Joker.

See what I did there? Suits? Joker?

No? Oh well.

At least one thing is right; I've finally made up my mind.

I'm going to help make the perfect world.

It'll be one where L is safe and Mello never dies.

One where criminals are a thing of the past and Light is alive and well.

One where I am the goddess of the new world.

One where Light and I are the only criminals, but it'll be ok because L will be safe.

I can't believe he was once just a fictional character that I had a crush on.

L is real.

And I will make him live.

Smiling, I grabbed a bag and put clothes in it, my hairbrush, a toothbrush, shoes; basically all the things I need if I was going to leave as well as the Death Note, which I stuffed down my shirt.

I looked around for a piece of paper and spotted one after a few minutes, hiding in amongst the junk on the bookshelves.

And then I wrote:

/You are probably watching this on tape right now, so I see no reason to actually write this down, but I'm going to anyway.

I have to leave. Thanks for giving me a home, even if it was just to stop me from spilling your secrets.

I promise I won't tell anyone, but I have to go now, so good luck with the Kira case.

And don't die. I'll be very mad if you do.

Oh yeah, you can keep Lawliet the Panda.

You guys'll be besties!

Good luck!/

And with that I stopped, smiled at the camera, called Salk and climbed out the window.

*.*.*

I think I may have said this before, but it's a long way down.

I don't think I've said this before, but I don't know where Light lives.

Oh well.

So there I was, on the top floor of a really high building, hanging out of a window.

Luckily, Salk was there, so she flew me down.

Of course, she just had to go all Ryuk on me and tell me to get her a box of strawberries.

Stupid shinigami.

So I went and stole a box of strawberries from a nearby store, and we stopped in an alleyway to eat them.

Again, stupid shinigami, slowing me down.

Once she'd finished 'slowly savouring' the fruit, we continued on.

To where, I don't know, but Salk seemed to, so I followed her.

So where do you think we ended up?

A fruit store.

Yep, that's right.

Stupid shinigami.

"Salk, hurry up!" I yelled, not caring if people thought I was crazy.

My name WAS Insanity, after all.

So Salk stopped, turned, and followed after me as I stormed off.

I had no idea where I was going so I took the nearest bus, and sat in the back, Salk floating beside me.

Would you like to guess who I saw also in the back of this bus?

Has a name staring with 'L', and ending with 'ight Yagami'?

That's right, how did you guess?

Light Yagami.

And, to make it even worse, Raye Penber.

Uh oh.

I knew this part, it was the bus-jacking.

I could just imagine Ryuk laughing his head off at the moment after seeing Salk.

Triple uh oh, Light's eye was twitching and I knew Ryuk WAS laughing his head off.

Even worse, Salk was laughing HER head off.

I bashed my head against the seat in front of me, and I could see Light watching me, so I grumbled, "Wrong bus!" and pulled a face.

Salk laughed even harder.

Who knew she had an inner Ryuk side to her?

And then, as if on cue, Kiichiro Osorada stepped onto the bus, gun in hand and shouted, "This bus has been officially taken over by me!"


	7. Chapter 7

_Aww guys! What is this madness!? 3 reviews in one day? Love you all! :)_ _Sadly, since this was MY FIRST FIC, it is short :( and only has a short pairing near the end... And slightly in this chapter! Please enjoy, and keep the feedback rollin' in!_

(*)

I wasn't really paying attention to the next events, only to Light, Salk, and the death note I had tucked away in my shirt.

Oh well, at least I could find out where Light lived.

The ugly criminal emptied his bullets on Ryuk and the whole time Salk was just standing there laughing.

My eye started twitching.

*twitch*

The criminal emptied his gun on Light's shinigami and ran out of the bus, never to know he was destined to be run over.

SPLAT! I looked out the bus window at the body.

*twitch*

When I get the chance, there will be a puke fest.

I now understand why they only show the hand of the body in the anime.

It's disgusting.

I may be called Insanity now, but there is no way in hell anybody can be prepared for that.

Light, I may want to create the 'perfect' world with you, but if you tell me to do something like that, I'm out.

I looked back. Salk was still laughing hysterically and Light had on that blank face that says I-may-be-calm-on-the-outside-but-inside-I'm-laughing-just-like-Ryuk.

Or you could just call it his poker face.

Anyway, Light hopped off the bus and I did too, Salk following suit.

And of course, I was following Light.

Ten minutes later, we arrived at his house, and I kept walking. Once I'm out of sight I'll wait five minutes and then show up at his house.

*.*.*

It was the slowest five minutes of my life.

I continued up the block and rounded the corner, then sat down, and now I'm bored!

Salk was laughing too hard to talk, and all my scolding her for speaking to Ryuk went to waste!

Now I'm sure Light suspects me.

Oh well, part of the plan I suppose.

I'm bored of waiting.

I stood up, motioned for Salk to do the same, then turned around and walked back to the house, knocking on the front door.

Thankfully Light's mum answered it.

"Hello!" I said, "Are you Mrs Yagami?"

"Yes I am," she said, smiling.

This was too easy.

"May I speak to Light please?" I asked with a smile of my own.

"Sure sweetie, one second." She said, "Light! A girl wants to see you!"

He glared as he saw me, but he said to his mother, "We'll be a second," and grabbed my wrist to drag me upstairs.

Salk followed.

As soon as we got to his room, he shut and locked the door and pushed me against the wall.

"Who are you?"

I smiled. "Give me one reason why I should tell you, Kira."

His eyes narrowed.

"How do you know?" He snarled.

"Now, now, Light, do you give it away to every girl you meet? Put me down and I'll tell you how I know."

His grip loosened and I wriggled out, then sat on the bed.

"But first, Light... Get me some water."

If looks could kill, I would be long dead.

Thankfully, he obliged, and I was alone in his room.

Except for the two shinigami, of course.

I had to work fast.

I took out a pen and slid the middle out, then stuck it in the hole in his top draw, pushing it up so the Death Note was revealed.

Finally.

I picked it up, then turned to face Ryuk.

Ryuk, just like Salk had been doing the entire day, was laughing.

It was a sight to see.

At that moment, Light came in with a glass of water, set it down on the table, and turned around to see me with the death note.

I don't think he realised it was his because he asked, "Can I see your shinigami?" with one of his lovely fake smiles.

"You could, if you touched my Death Note," I replied idly, enjoying every moment of this, "but unfortunately the Death Note I'm holding isn't mine."

His expression contorted into one of anger as he realised the Death Note I held was his.

Light held his hand out and said in a voice laced with venom, "Give it to me now."

"No." I replied, "I don't think I will."

Ryuk finished laughing and said, "She is an interesting human, isn't she?"

I looked at Light. "You know, you haven't even asked who I am. You asked my name, but why would the great Kira EVER want to know who his greatest rival is?"

Light looked at me; I knew he was freaking inside.

"L?"

"Uh oh, you guessed wro-ong!" I sang. I was loving this. "You know me as the Joker."


	8. Chapter 8

_o_0_

_It's the dreaded popping the P line in this chapter! Oh no! Thanks a ton to Pony, who boosted me FOUR reviews! What is this madness!? Oh, and to the lovely Pony, if you have an account could you log in if you review this chapter? I'd love to read some of the stuff you've written - that goes for all you lovely peeps reading this too!_

_A review, fave or follow while you're logged in allows me to check out your work, so please do so. :)_

(*)

~Light's Point of View~

What? The guy who killed the criminal to send a message to L and I...

was HER? How?

I looked at her and forced a laugh. "I don't believe you."

She smiled and said, "That's ok, you don't have to. After all, you probably don't want someone like ME, someone who knows the future AND L's real name as the goddess of the new world. No, of course you wouldn't."

So... She wants to create the perfect world with me?

She could be useful, I could definitely use her, especially if she really does know the future.

My thoughts were interrupted as she spoke; "Of course, there will be a few... Conditions."

Damn her!

She's smart, I'll give her that much.

"What are they?" I asked.

"Hmm... If someone named Misa Amane comes along and proclaims her loyalty and love for you, you will ignore her. Shun her. Also, you do not kill L. That is all." She grinned. "So, do we have a deal?"

I thought about it.

She could be my worst enemy or my best ally. But agreeing to the deal meant not killing L, something I had to do as much for my pride as my plans.

However... Not agreeing meant her most likely handing my death note over to L, so... "Deal," I said.

She grinned at me.

~Normal Point of View~

It worked! Light actually agreed! I mean, I was kinda blackmailing him in an unspoken way, but he agreed, didn't he?

That's what matters.

Light was downstairs introducing me as his new girlfriend, and I was waiting on his bed for him to come back up.

Currently I was in a conversation regarding which fruits Ryuk and Salk would eat.

So far, Ryuk liked apples (green and red, but he prefers the red ones), pineapple, and pears.

Salk liked strawberries, cherries and mango.

Ryuk and I were having an argument over which apples tasted better; green or red (I said green, he said red) when Light came into the room.

We immediately turned to him, and like children said together: "Which apples, green or red?"

He seemed a little taken aback and answered, "Green, I suppose."

I did a happy dance while Ryuk sulked.

"Anyway," he said, getting his Kira mood on, "We need to work out a-"

He was cut off by me screaming, "I'LL TAKE A POTATO CHIP... AND EAT IT!"

The Great Kira looked at me and said, "Huh?"

I grinned. "That was a small look into your future, Light."

"Really?" He said.

"Yep," I replied, popping the 'p'.

"Oh yeah, and you'll have a tennis match with L."

"Ok..."

I smiled; it was fun knowing everything.

Of course, my smile immediately dropped as I noticed I was starting to become my old self around Light.

This was not good!

The old me was coming back out and I couldn't afford to let that happen.

If I was to save L I had to be evil; I had to live up to my name.

Insanity.

That's what I was, insane.

That's what I had to be.

Evil, destructive, unhinged.

I was determined, and...

I realised I didn't know myself anymore, I had been so absorbed in changing the future that I hadn't realised I was changing myself more than anything.

Moulding myself into abstract shapes until I didn't know who I was supposed to be anymore.

Was I Ruth Medford, the old me?

Was I Ruka Blackhawk, my alias with L?

Was I Sanity, the other half of me?

But what of my name now, Insanity?

What about Joker, the killer?

Perhaps I was all of these, wrapped up in a big ball of junk just waiting to be thrown away.

Perhaps, I was none of these and I had become so much that I was nothing.

Either way, I had to save L.

That was the one thing I was sure on.

Saving L.

That was the one thought running through my mind, and at that moment things became clearer.

Why was I working with Light?

Light, KIRA, was L's downfall.

Light killed him, so why was I helping?

Why?


	9. Chapter 9

_Aww guys! I love you all! (Don't take that in a you'll-stalk-me-now way... O_o_)

_But seriously, I have enough reviews to put up the NINTH chapter. Y'know, the one that makes you have to scroll down on the chapter list. Eek! Thanks so much, especially to PonyGrim. _

_I'd love my silent readers and guests to review... :(_

_Anyway, read on guys!_

(*)

How could I have been so stupid?

Helping L's killer, what was I thinking?

Light snapped me back into reality.

"Joker? Girl? Sheesh, could you at least give me a name so I can call you SOMETHING? Snap out of it!"

My eyes focused again and I peered at Ryuk, who was laughing like mad.

I ignored Light.

"Ryuk, why are you laughing?" I inquired.

"Can I say it in front of Light?" The shinigami asked.

"Whatever, just tell me."

"Ok, your name has changed again."

My eyes widened.

Really?

At that moment I was very glad that Light couldn't see or hear Salk, because she said my new name out loud.

"Sanity."

~Light's Point of View~

Her... Name changed?

How?

She's more dangerous than I thought.

I could hear Ryuk laughing in the background but it was like everything had a thick layer over it; blurry and muffled.

Damn it!

She has me in the palm of her hand, and even worse, Ryuk said that her name had changed AGAIN.

Again?

That meant it had happened before; this was not good.

I need to kill her off; there was never meant to be a third player in the game.

She needs to die.

~Normal Point of View~

I was home.

Well, as close as I could get.

Salk flew me up - Without her I'd be stuck outside for the whole night. I was grateful for the bed I had, all plump and snug.

I was about to flop down when I was rudely interrupted.

There in the doorway was L.

"Umm... Hi?" I said. It came out more as a question though.

L seemed to be considering something.

"How did you get in?" He asked.

Out of all he could say, he said that?

Okay... "You still have the cameras in the room, don't you? You should know; I climbed the building. I got in through the window."

"Hmm, yes, but you got in far too quickly and weren't even slightly tired when you came in. It's very strange, you see?"

"It's... A talent. Yes! A talent that I have. I'm very good at climbing things!"

"A talent? Hmm, well, I trust you haven't spoken my name?"

"No sir!"

"Good. Now that that's cleared up, if you choose to stay this time and not head out the window, you will still be under constant surveillance. Cameras will not be in the bathroom, but if anything strange or suspicious happens I will have to put them back in. Also, I trust you remember the time you got the cameras out of the bathroom in the first place?"

"Yep!" I said.

"Okay. Never, ever steal my cake again. That's against the rules. Also, don't interrupt my meetings with the task force. A man named Raye Penber died of a heart attack and I suspect Kira was on the train with him; do you have any ideas?"

I smiled brightly.

This would be fun.

"Kira was on the train monitoring Raye's movements, and he tricked him into killing the rest of the FBI agents. I trust you noticed the folder he had on his way in? It wasn't with him on his way out, was it? Also, he was on the train for too long; it did a loop and more." I finished with a grin and said, "Information like that comes with a price you know. Pay up, where's my sweets?"

L chewed his thumb and said, "No sweets. I would like to know how you got that information. After all, the only person who viewed the tapes was me, and the task force. So how do you know that?"

I smiled.

"How do I know your name? How does Kira kill? Who is Kira? You know what, who am I? You don't know, but I do. I know everything about you, from the day you were born to the day you die to the day Mello dies to the day Matt, or should I say Mail, dies. I know everything. It is a blessed curse, and I'm stuck with it. If you like, you could call me Insanity. Or, if you like, you can call me Joker."


	10. Chapter 10

_O_O_

_Haven't uploaded in like, two whole days. THE WORLD IS ENDING! _

_And I don't even have an excuse... :(. Does laziness count?_

(*)

Why did I say that?

I'm too impatient.

Baka.

I'm a stupid, idiotic Baka.

I just proved it because I just said I was a stupid, idiotic idiot.

Baka.

That's me.

Now L will throw me in jail and I'll never save him.

Baka.

I'm so stupid!

I covered my face with my hands.

Stupid!

Peeking through my fingers, I studied L, who seemed to be studying ME.

Finally, after the longest period of silence in the history of the world, he spoke.

"Who is Kira?"

Not 'what you did was wrong' or 'the man you killed had family', simply 'who is Kira?'.

A that moment I loved L; he saw through the stupid masks I had put up and just looked at ME.

But that warm love was immediately frozen by the cold fact that I couldn't tell him who Kira was.

I wasn't here to wreck the plot.

I was simply here to save L.

Cursing my stupidity, I removed my hands from my face and said, "If I tell you I will wreck the past, future and present. I'm so sorry L, I just... Can't. I'm doing everything in my power to save a dear one and I can't slip up or my knowledge of the future will be gone. I've already stepped my boundaries joining into your game; I can't just reveal Kira's identity or everything I've worked for will be ruined. I'm sorry."

Lawliet simply chewed his thumb in his thinking pose.

Head cocked to the side, a thoughtful look in his dark rimmed eyes and of course that fingernail being gnawed on, if I wasn't in such a critical situation I would be completely fan-girling over his cute position.

Since I WAS in a critical position, I pushed back those thoughts and resisted the disturbing images flooding my mind.

A loud knock resounded through the room, and Watari entered carrying what seemed to be a... A uniform?

"Oh!" I said out loud, "You're going to Light's entrance exams! Can I come with?"

"No."

"Whaaat?" I whined, "Why not?"

L sighed. "As much as you don't want to admit it Joker; or Insanity as you said, you are still a criminal, and as such you will be under arrest in this apartment."

"But L, I know what your plan is! If I tell Light that I'm Joker AND you tell him you're L, I'm sure we can get a reaction out of him! I know his thoughts as well as his actions; when you tell him who you are he freaks! If I tell him too I'm sure we can get him!"

L considered, then hesitantly nodded.

"However... "

*.*.*

I clearly remembered the conversation between L and I last night.

I had told him about how Light would freak when I said I was Joker.

Of course, I hadn't told him about how Light already knew.

But... "Were the handcuffs really necessary?" I asked.

"Completely." L said.

I growled under my breath, telling him to close his eyes while I changed into the uniform.

L nodded, and I reached to take my shirt off when I realised I couldn't.

"L!" I whined, "Get the friggin handcuffs off already; I can't change!"

L took them off me and locked the door so I couldn't run out.

I sighed. "Did you have to do that? You make me feel like a prisoner."

"You are one." He said, then walked to face a corner of the room, covering his eyes as he got there.

I sighed once more and stripped, chucking the uniform over my head a second later.

It looked... How can I put this; skanky! The skirt was far too short and the shirt too low. I growled at the clothes in my reflection, then turned to face L.

"Panda man!" I yelled. He turned around and I continued; "Get me a guy's uniform, now!"

"No." He said calmly.

Then, however, he looked at the uniform and said, "Actually, I think it would be a good idea to let you use a smaller version of mine." I inwardly grinned, then outwardly grinned as Watari walked in with a smaller version of the guys uniform.

Man, this guy was prepared for everything!

I shooed him out with quick thanks and closed the door once more, then turned to L.

Seeing that he was already in the corner, I took off the horrid outfit and changed into the pants and shirt, not bothering with the tie.

"Okay, let's go!" I exclaimed. L cocked his head to the side and held out the handcuffs.

Damn him.


	11. Chapter 11

_OMG I WAS WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT! I've wanted somebody new to review for ages! Thanks so much, and I agree with you on the Mary-Sue thing - what was my past writer self thinking! And lol, I'm updating 2minutes after your review xD_

_Please, I appreciate it so much so anyone who has something to say, say it in a review! ;)_

(*)

After taking a strawberry lollipop on my way out and sitting in the black limbo with L, we were finally there.

I would get to see Light again!

He better not react to seeing me, or he will find his name in my death note with the most gruesome death possible.

So now I was sitting at the desk/table thingy while L did my test.

He had already finished his.

And... Done!

He slid my papers over to me.

I saw more than a few curious glances at me throughout the rest of our time.

I think it may have something to do with these DAMN BLOODY handcuffs!

*clears throat*

Anyway...

One of the people looking at L and I was Light.

I could tell he was trying to keep the recognition out of his eyes as he stared at me.

And then the handcuffs.

Me.

Handcuffs.

Me.

L.

I think he may have caught on...

*.*.*

It's time.

Wow, that sounds all spooky and everything.

Well, to say it in a brighter mood, I get to go up with L and Light on the... Um... Speech giving thingy!

Yay!

So now I'm free of the handcuffs (for the time being, anyway...) and I'm trying to decide on what to wear.

What to choose, what to choose...

I know!

My gaze falls up upon a plain black t-shirt and some black leggings.

They were perfect, comfortable and stretchy and, um, black, and everything else a girl could ever what, so I pulled them on and walked out.

L looked me over.

"You're wearing that?"

I looked him over, with his baggy pants and white shirt.

"And you're wearing THAT?"

L shrugged, "Point taken."

I sighed, then said, "Can we go now?"

A slight nod of the head was my only indication of his answer, but it wasn't so slight that I didn't notice it.

"Ok then, let's go!"

*.*.*

I was now sitting on a front row seat waiting for my name.

"... And we now have Hideki Ryuga, Light Yagami, and... Sanity?"

I saw Light cast a confused glance at me as we walked up to the podium.

After Light and L's speech, I held the paper, looked at the words, and crumpled it up.

"I have an announcement for Kira, who I know is watching this. First of all, how is Ryuk doing? I hope he is well. Second of all, as you may know, I have chosen my side. Third of all, when L says there is a three percent chance of you being Kira, he actually means one hundred percent. Lastly, to all the people here to actually watch this crap, I hope you enjoy yourselves in whatever job or university that you go to.

Have a pleasant night."

Light stared at me, dumbfounded, and L looked like I took his sweets right from his mouth.

He looked MAD.

Oh, I was going to get it when this was over.

As we walked down the stairs to take our seats once more, I smiled at Ryuk, who was hanging about Light's chair.

He chuckled at me and I giggled, happy to have SOMEONE who actually appreciated me.

Perhaps it was only because I gave him apples once a week, but still, it felt good to have somebody like me.

After the panda man did his 'I am L' speech, -Yes, I did fangirl (In my head) over his awesomeness- we walked out of the building.

I ran up to Light, and once we were out of earshot, I whispered to him something I knew would get him angry.

"I forgot to tell you the last time we met, but did you know that your name backwards is Im-a-gay?"

Light was mad.

Very mad.

"WHAT!" He roared.

At this point L had caught up to us.

"What did you say to him?"

"I merely told him what his name backwards meant."

L considered this for a moment.

I could see him trying to hide his laughter; I had no such control and began laughing hysterically.

L still didn't join my giggle fest.

Oh well, that's life. ~('-')~

However, that will be death soon after my lovely comment on Light's last name.


	12. Chapter 12

_This is the SECOND LAST CHAPTER! Thanks for all the reviews, keep them rolling in guys! Thanks to ObviouslyADeathNoteFan and GrellFangirl for the feedback, I'm glad you enjoy. And I hope you especially enjoy the plot-twist in the next chapter..._

(*)

Things were going well.

As I sat on my bed, I considered all the things that had happened as the memories that I knew so well from watching on the tiny screen of my computer came flooding back.

The tennis match.

The cafe and Kira's false third note.

Light's dad collapsing.

I dreaded the next events because I knew that Misa would come, and there was absolutely nothing I could do to stop her from killing me.

Having already spoken to Salk, I knew that I wasn't some Mary-sue in a fan fiction. (_Uhm... No comment.) _Misa could kill me, WOULD kill me, and I was helpless.

Unlike a fearless character, I was scared.

I didn't want to die.

Sometimes, I wished to forget, but the only time that happens is in the serenity of sleep, and with L's insomniac ways, I didn't get much sleep anymore.

I feared the next part even more because I had no idea what would happen.

When I watched the series, I hated that Light was so dumb again; He lost all of his character along with the death note, and so I skipped the episodes until he got his memories back.

Unfortunately for me, this also meant that I was powerless for the next few weeks; I had been relying on my knowledge of the future to stay alive and ahead of the game.

I walked out of the room.

"Hey L," I started, only using his alias because the task force were with him.

He held up a hand and continued to type on his computer.

"L! Listen!"

The insomniac Panda Man sighed slightly and spun around on his chair.

"Have Sakura Tv gotten any strange tapes yet?"

"No." Was L's short reply.

I shrugged.

"They will soon."

Walking out into the kitchen, I grabbed a lollipop and a slice of cake.

And a pack of sour straps, a cookie, a bunch of marshmallows, some strawberries, chocolate... Need I say more?

I needed the sugar rush, to keep me calm... Well, sugar makes me hyper and when I'm hyper I can't think of anything but sugar, so... it helps.

Walking back into my room with a trolly-load of sweets - Yes, I really did have that much - I shut the door, leaned back and examined my haul, then turned on the tv.

This universe wasn't that different from mine, even if I was in Japan.

I was halfway through flicking from the news to the Simpsons (_COPYRIGHT! Not my show! xD_) when a familiar message was played.

"I am Kira."

"Oh god." I whispered. "Oh, shinigami. Salk, Rem, Ryuk, bless my soul because I am bloody well going to need it."

Misa... She was almost here.

And gods of death, I was not ready.

*.*.*

I could have saved Ukita.

I could have... But I didn't.

I wasn't heroic, and I wasn't doing right.

I was a scared little girl who loved the attention she got.

I could have saved Ukita, and all the other policemen, but I didn't.

I'm such a self pitying idiot.

I let them DIE.

Deep, calm breaths, Ruth.

Hold on, no.

Insanity?

"Salk!" I called desperately.

"Salk! Please!"

"Salk, who am I? Salk?" I shrieked.

In a few seconds she was by my side.

"Your name is flickering."

She paused.

Ruth, calm down. Come on.

As my breathing slowed my shinigami told me my name.

"Sanity."

I let out my breath shakily.

Still got it in there, Sanity.

I'm all good.

Sane, see? I told myself, smiling.

Sane.

I'm on the right side.

L's side.

But... If I'm on his side, why don't I prove Light is Kira?

I grin as I realise.

Tonight Misa would visit Light.

And Kira, BOTH Kiras would be uncovered.

"L!" I shouted.

"L! I can help catch Light!"

He looked up from his -rather pointless, as he knows who Kira is- computer work.

"L!" I huffed, rather exhausted from my continuous yelling.

"I-I know h-how to prove Light guilty. But I'll need apples."

"Why?" He asked.

"To shut his shinigami up."

His eyes widened slightly and I sighed.

The Panda Man still hadn't gotten over his fear.

*.*.*

As I knocked on Light's door, I tried to swallow my own fear.

Misa could kill me.

Misa WOULD kill me.

Mr. Yagami answered the door.

"Soichiro, I need to see Light please."

He hesitated, and I knew he was still annoyed that we suspected his son.

"Sure."

I gave him my sweetest smile and skipped past him; Up the polished stairs, and into Kira's room.

As I walked in, I made sure to give a small wink to L, who was perched out the window.

"Oh Li-ight! Lightbulb! I have an idea! I'll be your goddess, and you ditch Misa!"

He glared at me with enough venom to kill a small elephant several times over, then said, "Misa is useful."

I pouted.

"No fair!"

"However..." He said, before pushing his lips onto mine, "I like you more."

I really didn't want to admit it, but I enjoyed that kiss.

I started pressing harder, latching onto him.

This was where Misa walked in.

...

The blonde took one look at the situation and burst into tears.

Angry tears.

Dangerous, killer tears.

Whipping out her black notebook, she wrote a name.

It was mine.

...

You know when you have a really bad case of multiple personality disorder that was caused by you murdering a man?

No?

I do.

When she wrote my name I knew I only had seconds to live.

I turned to the window, gave a teary grin and said, "This proves it, right L?"

Light and Misa froze, and I knew that if I didn't have my name already in the death note, Rem would be scribbling it down right now.

As my heart stopped beating I didn't see my life before my eyes.

I let it all go.

Ripping out my own death note, I vaguely wondered why I wasn't dead before giggling madly and writing down Misa's name.

I walked up to Light and said in a scarily drunken tone, "You're gonna die soon!" I lowered my head, looking at his name in the notebook and whispered Ryuk's words:

"It's been fun, Light."

And with that I laughed madly over Kira's corpse.

...

Misa was next, staring horrified at something above my head.

Probably my name.

Insanity always did suit me the best.

As she collapsed L came up behind me and locked something cold around my wrists.

I cried and screamed and laughed and the Panda Man whispered something that sounded suspiciously like 'sorry' as I continued to sob.

It was all over.


	13. Chapter 13

After.

In an insane asylum, a sixteen year old girl sat eating strawberry jam. She related this to Beyond Birthday, who in her perspective was right beside her. In reality, there was nobody there.

See, the adventures she had were just that; Adventures. One big fantasy - It never really happened.

The impacts on her though? Oh, those were real.

Perhaps, one day she would regain the most important part of her; the sanity that caged her crazy side.

But for now, she was content with only her jam and her imaginary friend.

(*)

_Okay guys! That was the final chapter! :)_

_I'm actually really annoyed/upset right now because I have 21 reviews, but I can't see the most recent two! No idea what's going on there, but it's bothering me tonnes. :(_

_However, let's end on a happy note! I reached my ultimate goal of 20 reviews (even if I can't see two) and that makes me so damn grateful to all of you! I hope you guys keep giving me feedback even well after this fanfiction has had this final chapter posted._

_Anyway, I love you all, so thanks a bunch to every single one of you! :)_

_- Missy_


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